How the F*ck Do I Become a Pampered Chef? (Except the pampered part.)





The answer was “Pampered Chef Rockcrok.”

“Ladies…I know you all got that one right,” the emcee noted.

I was at a trivia event for a cause near and dear to my heart. Fortunately, I was also at a table that guffawed at this statement. I mean no disrespect to our beloved emcee. For the most part, he was playing to an old-fashioned crowd. A crowd that appreciated a dinner of pot roast and mixed veggies on the table promptly at 5:30 every night. And a mom that magically put it there.

I am not that mom.

Nor would I ever associate the word “pampered” with the kitchen. (In all seriousness, I can’t stand that word. Even when it relates to things that can actually be defined by it. See: massage, facial, eating peanutbutter straight out of the jar with a piece of Hershey’s chocolate as a spoon.)

However, I’ll swallow my modern lady pride and say, I’d like to be a skosh more like that mom. BUT ONLY A SKOSH. And only because it’d make life a little easier. Here’s why. We’ve tried every meal delivery service. Every. Single. One. (Blue Apron, Plated, Hello Fresh, Green Chef, Sun Basket.) For the most part, yum. And not having to think about what to make? YES PLEASE. But 2 hours from prep to clean-up? NOPE. I swear we used 42 pans, plates, and mixing bowls every night.

I need meal ideas. Easy, fast meal ideas. Preferably something I can prep before Warner gets home from daycare and throw onto the table when she’s somewhere between sweet delicate flower and screamy rage monster. For the most part, I have the privilege of working from home. I’m a freelance copywriter. (Hire me!) This means I come up with 'big ideas,' 'witty banter,' 'snackable content,' 'other buzzwords the ad community comes up with on a daily basis.' These things don’t come to me when I’m sitting at a computer. My brain is a total dick. I need to be walking around, showering, doing the laundry, and yes, maybe chopping up onions. Or googling how to chop an onion. (I literally do this every time I have to chop an onion.) Becoming a little more like that 530-dinner-robot-mom could actually work to my advantage.

So, you guys? Where the f*ck can I find easy recipes? I tried the Betty Crocker app and the "meal" I made should've been called Gobs-a-Cheese-Casserole. Is there a somewhat healthy meal planning/recipe website or app that you love? Preferably one for someone who likes to do things mindlessly and is a little scared to interact with raw chicken? (I can take the edge off that fear with a few sips of whiskey, but the simpler, the better.) Please comment below so everyone can see your genius solutions.

Update:
Last time I asked you what the f*ck I should do, you guys came through in spades. And I followed every single piece of advice you threw at me. We survived Warner’s first flight with snacks, toys, stickers, extra clothes, extra diapers, suckers, magna doodles, ipad apps, stamps, books, and celebratory beers at the airport iHop. Here is my favorite picture from the trip. And maybe ever. Thanks people. You truly got me through a lifelong fear. 



Comments

  1. Sarah YoungJuly 20, 2017 at 10:29 AM

    I'll add you to my group on Facebook called. My kid ate. Only kid approved recipes. And most are easy!

    ReplyDelete

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