What the F*ck Do I Do with a Baby on a Plane?
When I learned I was going to be a mother, I decided upon two simple rules:
1)
No wire hangers.
2)
My baby would not board an airplane until she turns 72.
One of these rules is about to be broken.
Any guesses?
Turns out, there was an imaginary amendment. It
was this:
Unless the in-laws
plan an awesome family trip and driving is not an option.
Not gonna beat around the bush. I’m nervous. Real nervous. I
mean, I’ve never seen a mom and a baby in an airport that don’t look like they
might break-up when they get home.
Growing up, we were van family. And when I say van, I’m
talking VAN. Eight track player? Yep. Carpeted walls? Mmm-hmmm. Zero seats in the
back so the kids could jump around like lunatics while my parents looked at actual maps bigger than their bodies? You. Know.
It.
We drove to the Black Hills. We drove to the Grand Canyon. We drove to the Corn Palace. We kept our crazy cooped up. And it felt so very right.
Other people put babies on planes. I’ve heard blow-out stories, I’ve witnessed catastrophic meltdowns,
I’ve been the recipient of kicks from tiny feet in seats behind me that feel like bass drums on my
back. And all the while I took comfort in knowing that would never be ME.
But alas, Warner is getting her wings. Soon.
You guys. WHAT THE F*CK DO I DO WITH A BABY ON A PLANE?
I need all the advice. ALL OF IT.
What should I pack? How do I keep her screams muffled?
How many miniature whiskeys can I drink without getting kicked off the plane?
And while you're at it, baby travel tips in general are appreciated.
Sincerely,
Bree Marie
Hello from A14T! Your sista sent me.
ReplyDeleteFirst, don't even sweat it. Be a honey badger, we were all babies once and plus, I've seen a picture of your little and she's adorable so the people that matter will only tell you how cute she is and ignore any noises she makes. Also, you're going on a superfun family vacation and likely won't ever see any of your fellow plane riders again, so who cares what they think anyway? Unless they're complimenting your kids cuteness, in which case maybe engage your newfound neighbor friend making skills and collect pen pals. But seriously, airplanes actually have pretty solid ambient/white noise which drowns out a fair bit of sound anyway.
My boys are loud and active... and we fly with them all the time. Things that help:
1) Electronics. You can download games onto an iPad or any kind of tablet, anything that flashes and distracts. Between 12-18 months, we actually used apps that we'd downloaded for our cat (I know...). The internet will lead the way.
2) Sit in the back of the plane. We migrate to the back for longer flights, as do many of our other people-with-kids brethren. It's a safe zone.
3) Make friends with the flight attendants. My husband always brings some chocolates and gives it to them as he boards, and he probably gets rewarded with a free drink 75% of the time.
4) We never had a problem with takeoff and landing, but other folks swear by bringing something like a bottle or sippy cup to help relieve pressure on the ears.
5) Snacks. A little bit at a time to distract, if it comes to that.
Have a blast!
Sarah D
You are very wise. I feel my blood pressure lowering.
DeleteI will do all these things! Every one of them. But um...tell me more about these cat apps. My daughter is just under 18 months.
My advice is to not give a f*ck what other people think about your baby. If you can afford it, get her a seat and bring your car seat on board. Holding a baby on a plane isn't all it's cracked up to be. Bring painters tape and straws for playing. Less is more...though I am a notorious over packer so I don't really know much about that. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYassss. I won't give a f*ck!
DeleteOh wait, I'm me. So I'll give them all. And then I'll pick up the f*cks that other people don't give...because I can't help it.
Painters tape and straws. Check and check.
Thanks so much, Jenny!